Growing up, being bullied was, in a sense, a good thing for me. Bullied children create safe spaces for themselves that hide them away from the rest of the world. They create comfort zones where they can express their true selves and discover who they are. For me, it was all about being surrounded by beauty. I didn’t allow others to break me.
My bullies targeted me physically. Until that point in my life, I had never really considered that there were norms expected of people. Things like your weight, height, and style. Did you wear glasses or braces, have a birthmark or pimples or clothes that were not in fashion? It had nothing to do with race or religion. The fact that my Dad was not an officer did play a role; after all, it was a military base, but mostly, it was finding ways to make me uncomfortable and insecure. I ran away, like most scared kids would do.
My safe spot was outside, specifically in the woods near my home. It didn’t matter if it was raining or snowing, sunny or hot; when I was stressed, I went outside. I went there to do whatever I needed to help me cope: cry, scream, talk to myself, dig holes. I would hide there and surround myself with the comforting presence of Nature. Doing so would help me find peace. I had a place to shed all the negative things and find the good things in the world and within myself. It was a place where I could step away from the darkness and look into the light.
On the good days, I would smile and talk to the birds and bugs, say “hello” to the trees and compliment the flowers. On the best days, I would sing and lie in the grass, watching the clouds quietly drift into animal-like shapes and then melt into nothingness. I loved to lie under trees on sunny days and watch the sun dance in, out and around the leaves as if sparkling with happiness.
This was a place where I could define who I was. I knew I was a good person. Being bullied made me determined not to be one myself. I had a soft heart, which, though it made me an easy target, made me realize that I had some worth, even if no one could see it. Having this sanctuary kept me from giving up on life altogether. No matter how bad things got, I could always rely on Nature to help me refocus myself. To stop me from feeling like a shadow.
Plants have a unique ability to cope with adversity. The seasons change, and water becomes limited. Every storm has life-threatening moments – floods and winds, pressures beyond belief – things that should flatten and destroy them. Yet, it does not break. It bends! Drive down any road after an ice storm, and you will see young trees laden with ice, their tops bent entirely down to the ground, looking as if they will snap in two. Yet, once the ice is gone, they slowly straighten up and reach for the sky again. They can not run or find shelter; they must find the strength and endure.
As a child, the outdoors was my life. I learned at a young age how to celebrate the little things. When I was faced with words like “fatty” and “four-eyes,” I would endure and, as soon as it was possible, find my safe place – a cool, shady spot laden with plush ferns or an icy tunnel I had carved out of a snowbank. There, I would allow the quiet and strength of Nature to replenish me. That was all there was…no internet or someone to text to…just my connection with the world.
That connection gave me strength. No one can be strong all the time. Our primal brain causes us to look for danger, to feel fear and weakness – even when there is no threat. It comes from within and creates self-doubt. Having that physical place where I could forget the sadness and doubt allowed me to discover what makes me happy and where my strengths are. It let me keep going and survive the ‘threats.’
But we all grow up and lose that connection with our younger self. The world has a way of teaching us lessons we were not expecting. Friends will come and go. You will not always get everything you want. Life is not fair, and people are not always nice. It is the resiliency of plants that we all need to discover and add to our lives. We need to find ways not to fight back but to bend back and allow the adversity to teach us a lesson.
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